Taking Notes

During a grief group I attended, we were asked to write some things about our grief. 

First instruction: “Write what grief makes you feel”

Second: “Define your grief”

Third: “What are your questions for grief”

Fourth: “What is your future”

Here are my answers:

1. In my heart are many scars from so many surgeries to remove things I’d become accustomed to living with. Various stages of healing but all too compounded to sort out.

Still broken.  The truth is, I’m ANGRY! The truth is I’m hurting, sore, sensitive, struggling, striving, tired of trying to make it “ok” for others.

2. My grief is sometimes all consuming, confounding, directionless, makes other events of life too much to bear, an interloper, makes me so I don’t care about other things; isolating, cocooning, insular, defeating, paralyzing, making me vulnerable, needing care.

3. When will this end? When will the onslaught stop to let me catch up? When can I get back to my life? Where is the knowledge, the understanding, the insight?

4. Grief is universal,  grief will get better

Though, I doubt I believed number 4 on this day.  I’ve come a long way, but this is what’s real, this is my heart, my mind on a plate from when I attended this group session.  If you feel this way, too, you’re not alone.  Find a way, a place to talk it out.  You deserve to have your pain heard.

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